Movie #2: Showgirls

Release Date: September 22, 1995
Budget: $67,000,000 (inflation adjusted)

Heading into this blog post, I'm worried about Showgirls, not because I think it will be bad (they all will be bad) but because I'm worried that they had just enough money to de-campify this movie... all the cheesy things that made Troll 2 watchable will be eliminated with production value and I'll be left with just awful-bad instead of funny-bad.  Can enough Jessie Spano boobie save me from awful-bad?  Let's find out.

Showgirls blows right from the get go.. and yes I am talking about the scene where Elizabeth Berkley's Character, Nomi, runs out of the casino, nearly gets hit by a car, almost gets in a fight with a random woman, throws up steak, and then almost makes out with the same black random 10 seconds later (watch out for the steak bits!): an auspicious start.

In a nutshell, Showgirls is about Nomi's struggle in Las Vegas to break out of the stripper role and become a real dancer.  It's not an awful plot; it's reasonably believable and is the classic overcoming adversity story, but Showgirls suffers in many other areas

One thing I was right about: Showgirls does have all the money to be a big-boy movie.. it sort of looks and smells like a real movie, but Berkley, the screenplay, and dialogue are awkward and awful.. awful awful awful.  Clearly, Elizabeth Berkley never made the transition from Jessie to Nomi because she seems a lot more comfortable chugging soda and eating french fries a la the Saved By the Bell cafeteria than she does actually trying to act. The supporting actors really try to hold it together for her, but no dice.. her suck carries the day.  I actually think this thing could have cleared the worst movie list by a long shot without Berkley.

One thing I was wrong about:  there's not enough boob in this movie to make it interesting.. and there is A LOT of boob.  Unless you're a 13-16 year old male, the awfulness of Showgirls easily overcomes the nakedness of Showgirls.  I think when I get done with this project, I am going to count the amount of time that there is a boob on the screen in Showgirls; I'm willing to bet it's 30-40%.  Much like Nomi, Showgirls wanted to get off the Skinamax circuit and be legitimate but unlike Nomi, it failed.

Some of my other favorite parts of Showgirls were:

1.  The Monkey Scene - Not that I'm complaining, because I love monkeys, but there is a scene about half way through the movie where about 10 monkeys run through the dressing room and wreak havoc on the dancers.  Funny, but pointless.  

2.  The dance-off between Nomi and her arch-nemesis, Crystal - Some people say that the dance-off is a lost art.  I say dance-offs are stupid.  This is really the cheese crescendo of Showgirls.

3.  After I get done counting the percentage of time there is boob on the screen, I am going to count the number of times Nomi throws a fit and storms out of the scene.  It's ridiculous.  She is like a topless toddler.

4.  The Crystal and Nomi make out scene - After Nomi pushes her hated enemy, Crystal, down the stairs and ruins her career, she goes to visit her in the hospital where they promptly make out.  This is one of the most confusing scenes in movie history.

I give Showgirls a final rating of -6 stars.  It's very bad, but it's not Troll 2 bad.  It's got just enough money and reasonably acceptable acting to keep it off the basement floor.  Unfortunately, it's also the money that keeps Showgirls from being laughable: it's just awful-bad.  I never want to see this thing ever again.. not even for the boobs.