Entry 4: Superbabies, Baby Geniuses 2

Release Date:  August 27, 2004
Budget: $24,000,000

I can't remember the last time we've watched a Netflix movie the same day we received it; then again, I can't remember when I've been so excited to watch a movie.  Superbabies, Baby Geniuses 2 ("SBG2") is going to be awesome, but it's going to be tough to top The Creeping Terror, which sucked on a whole new level.

The first thing I notice about SBG2 is that these aren't babies; they should have called this movie Supersmallchildren, Small Children Geniuses 2.  The kids that they used were probably 4-8 and almost all of them could clearly talk.  Those who couldn't were provided with voice over mouths, which was just creepy.  Even creepier was the fact that all of the supersmallchildren still used pacifiers and were completely pantsless through the whole movie (perhaps for better range of motion?)   One last rant about the super"babies": children are not good actors.. when are we going to learn?

The premise of the movie is that there is a bad guy (big surprise) who wants to control the world and is going to do so by controlling the children via a new TV network.  Luckily for the world, there is a 70 year old super hero named Kahuna, perpetually stuck in a child's body via a secret steroid/vitamin formula who, with the "help" of some laymen superbabies, foils the plot and saves the world.  Lame.

Some of my favorite parts and aspects of SBG2 are:

1) For a movie intended for children, there is a lot of violence and the Kahuna drinks a secret liquid which makes him super strong before each fight... a questionable message in this day of anti-steroids.

2)  Scott Baio is an idiot.

3) About 75% of Kahuna's dialogue is made up of powerful(ly cheesy) one-liners delivered right before he kicks some serious adult ass.  I actually sort of enjoyed Kahuna's sharp tongue, but his negativity is probably to be expected given that he is 70 years old.

4)  Worst Daycare ever:  the babies escape and steal the car!  I'm definitely not sending Hayden there.

I give SBG2 a final rating of -5 stars.  Superbabies is clearly a different kind of bad: it's mass produced bad.  SBG2 dances in the dangerous territory of extremely painful to watch, but not bad enough to be funny and that made it the worst movie to watch so far, but not the worst movie. 

I am of the opinion that SBG2 ranks so low on IMDB for two reasons: 1) it's awful; and 2) a lot of people have seen it.  SBG2 had a $20MM budget and starred Jon Voigt and Scott Baio, which garnered a much bigger audience and therefore more people to give it one star on IMBD.  When you boil it down, though, SBG2 is just stupid and isn't playing in the same "bad" ballpark as Troll 2 and The Creeping Terror. 

I need a break from bad movies.  This piece of crap nearly ruined this project for me.